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Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Come Together
The value of loved ones was reinforced in my heart through Fred's passing. I try not to think about the mean client and idiot motorist who cut me off: They are not my priorities. The good love of family and friends is what life is about. Everything else is fleeting.
And, as I explained to my son the other day, that's what the holidays are about. Christmas is not about getting but about being with loved ones and watching their eyes as they receive something they cherish, something you gave them. Something you thought about.
Fred did not ask for much the past few years, and we did not exchange gifts most of our lives. The last Christmas gift I presented him with was homemade cookies. I know he cherished them.
I saw him last in January 2009, when so much was different in my life. I was at a different house, different job. I videotaped him conversing with my son. I am so thrilled to have that. That was Fred's gift to me, as he did not like to be photographed.
As I said in the eulogy, we will always remember burning chocolate candies at Christmas or perhaps Easter. We created that odd ritual/tradition as a team.
Fred's favorite holiday movie was It’s a Wonderful Life. Though for the past 16 or so years it might have seemed that Fred’s life was not so wonderful, I have to think that the time gave him pause. He returned to religion and poured his energies into writing his book.
I probably became a writer because I wanted to be like him. To me, my life has been more wonderful because of his presence. I know everyone whose lives he touched feels the same.
And, as I explained to my son the other day, that's what the holidays are about. Christmas is not about getting but about being with loved ones and watching their eyes as they receive something they cherish, something you gave them. Something you thought about.
Fred did not ask for much the past few years, and we did not exchange gifts most of our lives. The last Christmas gift I presented him with was homemade cookies. I know he cherished them.
I saw him last in January 2009, when so much was different in my life. I was at a different house, different job. I videotaped him conversing with my son. I am so thrilled to have that. That was Fred's gift to me, as he did not like to be photographed.
As I said in the eulogy, we will always remember burning chocolate candies at Christmas or perhaps Easter. We created that odd ritual/tradition as a team.
Fred's favorite holiday movie was It’s a Wonderful Life. Though for the past 16 or so years it might have seemed that Fred’s life was not so wonderful, I have to think that the time gave him pause. He returned to religion and poured his energies into writing his book.
I probably became a writer because I wanted to be like him. To me, my life has been more wonderful because of his presence. I know everyone whose lives he touched feels the same.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Dear Fred
This next series of blogs will be about and for my dear brother, Fred, who passed away suddenly on July 9, 2010. We will always love, miss and remember him, our dear brother, friend, uncle and teacher. The first installment is a copy of the eulogy I wrote for him.
Caro Fredi
He began his life as Ferdinando Lorenzo DeNicola, in Italy.
My last long conversation with my brother was on his birthday, and it was about intelligence. He was one of the very few I know who value it and can be considered intelligent. We both thought that was our best conversation ever.
My earliest memory of him is watching Saturday morning cartoons. I remember when the Flintstones started, and he very excitedly announced its arrival. My other early memory is sports. I rooted for the Mets just to annoy him; he liked the Yankees. I told him I knew they were in different “leagoos” (leagues). He would steal all my Spauldings to play baseball.
I watch my son Logan at boxing lessons. It reminds me that Fred showed me how to box. Thankfully I never required that skill. And as for football, it is no wonder I dislike it, as he would tackle me. Every time I heard him shout, “Tackle!” I would cringe. And down I would go.
And the irony is that he is the one who fell. Tackled by MS.
He once told me he regretted not being more of a brother to me. I don’t think he could have been a better brother. He was truly my inspiration.
And the inspiration of many, including his students. I recall when Fred told me he saw one of his students as an adult, who told him he never forgot “Mr. D”, his favorite teacher, who taught him so much.
Fred valued reading, learning, and writing, and that’s probably why I became a writer.
Now Fred joins our valued team of spirits watching over us, adding to the intelligence in heaven.
We will always remember burning chocolate candies. Though the three of us kids still cannot recall if it was Easter or Christmas when we invented that. Actually we don’t know who invented it. It didn’t matter; we were a team. And Christmas was when we never fought, the four of us.
I want to tell a story one of his friends, a lifelong friend, recalled last night. He said he saw Fred for the last time a few months ago. They had lunch with another friend. Fred wouldn’t let them pay because, he told them, they were the only ones who befriended him in school when he first arrived here.
That’s Fred.
We love you, Ferdinando.
Caro Fredi
He began his life as Ferdinando Lorenzo DeNicola, in Italy.
My last long conversation with my brother was on his birthday, and it was about intelligence. He was one of the very few I know who value it and can be considered intelligent. We both thought that was our best conversation ever.
My earliest memory of him is watching Saturday morning cartoons. I remember when the Flintstones started, and he very excitedly announced its arrival. My other early memory is sports. I rooted for the Mets just to annoy him; he liked the Yankees. I told him I knew they were in different “leagoos” (leagues). He would steal all my Spauldings to play baseball.
I watch my son Logan at boxing lessons. It reminds me that Fred showed me how to box. Thankfully I never required that skill. And as for football, it is no wonder I dislike it, as he would tackle me. Every time I heard him shout, “Tackle!” I would cringe. And down I would go.
And the irony is that he is the one who fell. Tackled by MS.
He once told me he regretted not being more of a brother to me. I don’t think he could have been a better brother. He was truly my inspiration.
And the inspiration of many, including his students. I recall when Fred told me he saw one of his students as an adult, who told him he never forgot “Mr. D”, his favorite teacher, who taught him so much.
Fred valued reading, learning, and writing, and that’s probably why I became a writer.
Now Fred joins our valued team of spirits watching over us, adding to the intelligence in heaven.
We will always remember burning chocolate candies. Though the three of us kids still cannot recall if it was Easter or Christmas when we invented that. Actually we don’t know who invented it. It didn’t matter; we were a team. And Christmas was when we never fought, the four of us.
I want to tell a story one of his friends, a lifelong friend, recalled last night. He said he saw Fred for the last time a few months ago. They had lunch with another friend. Fred wouldn’t let them pay because, he told them, they were the only ones who befriended him in school when he first arrived here.
That’s Fred.
We love you, Ferdinando.
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